If you had asked me in 2020 what I would loathe 4.5 years into the pandemic, first of all, I wouldn’t have believed you that we would still be treading these same waters; nor would I have been able to imagine that the least desirable parts of daily life for me would be:
1. No in-store shopping! A fun pastime of mine dating back to teen days of bonding with friends. I always get an exciting mood lift from just being IN a mall or store and now it doesn't feel safe to do. Also, trying on clothing and shoes are such musts. I developed something really cool to replace this to some extent and it gives me a mood lift, akin to what I lost.
2. Missing in-person coziness with family and close friendships, missing sharing my space (which feels safe and enriching to me) with those I care about. Missing fun times spent with talk, games, and food. Missing the possibilities of connections by traveling to see friends, and having new experiences in those settings.
3. Ease. Not having to think too much about Whatever, no matter where we go. Not having to plan ahead or worry about having to use a public restroom and the dangers that could now pose for air quality. I deeply miss vacations to sun, sand, mountains, nature, swimming....
4. I want more pets! My fam don't feel confident in getting a pet that could potentially carry and transmit covid. They also don't want another anyway, but that's a separate issue. I badly need an ESA.
5. I miss holding babies and interacting with kids. Kids don't understand viral spread and they will get close or remove masks randomly without realizing they are putting me in danger. I don't want to scare someone so young and impressionable, especially, and thus feel unwilling to stick up for myself in these situations, so I have not pursued trying to change this. They also are visibly unnerved by masks.
6. Already having chronic illness means my life got even more limited. Ouch.
7. Feeling judged by others, criticized due to taking better care of ourselves than we feel they are taking care of themselves or of us. I feel such sadness thinking that they don't care or even realize their actions could kill us, and they don't behave in such ways that we feel cherished and treasured. I wish more people were less self-centered.
Thank you for sharing these!!!I love the way you describe these in such rich terms, that I think I have to add them to my list as well! Especially #1, 2, and 3!! I also totally understand the pet decision and we have made a similar one (my 14 year old dog died in 2021 and my 14 year old cat isn't doing the best, but he's still filling our lives with love).
I am SO excited to engage with this post (genuinely). I'm not sure I'll be able to fit everything into one comment! Let's see, #5 hit me like a ton of bricks. That's probably my hardest one and I feel like you addressed it quite a bit in your next post. I'd especially be interested to hear more about 4 and 7!! I will be following your blog as actively as my neurodivergence allows- I have decided on 2 blogs only I genuinely want to follow going forward.
Boundaries have been a big part (for me) of moving forward with a joyful pandemic-continuing life. I also Deeply identify with your sentiments about having an extraordinary life For Me and that being the definition that matters. I struggle with wanting to seem worthy to others and like I'm living a worthwhile life. I keep re-centering in that idea of my life being what *I* want it to be.
Some of the main gifts of the pandemic for me (besides boundaries!) have been TIME, HEALTH, and SOLITUDE. Time: I get to do what I want and not put it off. I get to see clearly that if I'm putting off doing what I actually want with my life, that it's me choosing that. It's not 'worth it' because of spending time with someone instead of pursuing my goals and dreams. Health: I have the space and resources (thank goodness!!) to focus on getting well from some non-covid chronic illness stuff that's been plaguing me for years. And I have no excuse not to. I also have the time and space to focus on time-consuming treatments and not worry that the illness or healing from it is taking me away from 'whatever else' I would have been doing. As in, nothing. Solitude: I get to be alone, and I get to like being alone. I get to be ok with myself and with liking myself. I have learned to relish my own company and grow during times of intentional quiet. I feel like I have to be intentional about socializing and that has transformed the way I socialize. No longer seeking people to fill the social space, but rather seeking the company of those I genuinely want to connect with. Oooh how nourishing, enriching and healthy that feels!! Boundaries; they're like providing a structure for cucumbers to grow on!
I have appreciated all of your comments and they have helped me deepen my understanding of how other's are experiencing this journey, and how my words are being received... so thank you! I don't take "follows" and emails lightly- all we have is our time and energy as the most important resources and it's a finite amount, so much appreciation for being on the short list so to speak. Love this- I "get to like being alone".. there are good and nourishing things I would likely have never experienced had it not been for the pandemic... It probably won't surprise you I am still working on #5 - writing about it again this week, mostly as a form of processing the challenge... but I'll share more about the others like 4 and 7 as the journey unfolds for sure.
My loathe list:
1. No in-store shopping! A fun pastime of mine dating back to teen days of bonding with friends. I always get an exciting mood lift from just being IN a mall or store and now it doesn't feel safe to do. Also, trying on clothing and shoes are such musts. I developed something really cool to replace this to some extent and it gives me a mood lift, akin to what I lost.
2. Missing in-person coziness with family and close friendships, missing sharing my space (which feels safe and enriching to me) with those I care about. Missing fun times spent with talk, games, and food. Missing the possibilities of connections by traveling to see friends, and having new experiences in those settings.
3. Ease. Not having to think too much about Whatever, no matter where we go. Not having to plan ahead or worry about having to use a public restroom and the dangers that could now pose for air quality. I deeply miss vacations to sun, sand, mountains, nature, swimming....
4. I want more pets! My fam don't feel confident in getting a pet that could potentially carry and transmit covid. They also don't want another anyway, but that's a separate issue. I badly need an ESA.
5. I miss holding babies and interacting with kids. Kids don't understand viral spread and they will get close or remove masks randomly without realizing they are putting me in danger. I don't want to scare someone so young and impressionable, especially, and thus feel unwilling to stick up for myself in these situations, so I have not pursued trying to change this. They also are visibly unnerved by masks.
6. Already having chronic illness means my life got even more limited. Ouch.
7. Feeling judged by others, criticized due to taking better care of ourselves than we feel they are taking care of themselves or of us. I feel such sadness thinking that they don't care or even realize their actions could kill us, and they don't behave in such ways that we feel cherished and treasured. I wish more people were less self-centered.
Thank you for sharing these!!!I love the way you describe these in such rich terms, that I think I have to add them to my list as well! Especially #1, 2, and 3!! I also totally understand the pet decision and we have made a similar one (my 14 year old dog died in 2021 and my 14 year old cat isn't doing the best, but he's still filling our lives with love).
I am SO excited to engage with this post (genuinely). I'm not sure I'll be able to fit everything into one comment! Let's see, #5 hit me like a ton of bricks. That's probably my hardest one and I feel like you addressed it quite a bit in your next post. I'd especially be interested to hear more about 4 and 7!! I will be following your blog as actively as my neurodivergence allows- I have decided on 2 blogs only I genuinely want to follow going forward.
Boundaries have been a big part (for me) of moving forward with a joyful pandemic-continuing life. I also Deeply identify with your sentiments about having an extraordinary life For Me and that being the definition that matters. I struggle with wanting to seem worthy to others and like I'm living a worthwhile life. I keep re-centering in that idea of my life being what *I* want it to be.
Some of the main gifts of the pandemic for me (besides boundaries!) have been TIME, HEALTH, and SOLITUDE. Time: I get to do what I want and not put it off. I get to see clearly that if I'm putting off doing what I actually want with my life, that it's me choosing that. It's not 'worth it' because of spending time with someone instead of pursuing my goals and dreams. Health: I have the space and resources (thank goodness!!) to focus on getting well from some non-covid chronic illness stuff that's been plaguing me for years. And I have no excuse not to. I also have the time and space to focus on time-consuming treatments and not worry that the illness or healing from it is taking me away from 'whatever else' I would have been doing. As in, nothing. Solitude: I get to be alone, and I get to like being alone. I get to be ok with myself and with liking myself. I have learned to relish my own company and grow during times of intentional quiet. I feel like I have to be intentional about socializing and that has transformed the way I socialize. No longer seeking people to fill the social space, but rather seeking the company of those I genuinely want to connect with. Oooh how nourishing, enriching and healthy that feels!! Boundaries; they're like providing a structure for cucumbers to grow on!
Your friend from Reddit, (darkacademia)
I have appreciated all of your comments and they have helped me deepen my understanding of how other's are experiencing this journey, and how my words are being received... so thank you! I don't take "follows" and emails lightly- all we have is our time and energy as the most important resources and it's a finite amount, so much appreciation for being on the short list so to speak. Love this- I "get to like being alone".. there are good and nourishing things I would likely have never experienced had it not been for the pandemic... It probably won't surprise you I am still working on #5 - writing about it again this week, mostly as a form of processing the challenge... but I'll share more about the others like 4 and 7 as the journey unfolds for sure.
Aw, I really appreciate that!! I will continue sharing, too.