3 Truths (and Some Lies) About My Still Coviding Decision Fatigue
If I would have taken vows when I decided to adopt “Still Coviding” as a way of life… it might have sounded something like this:
“Do you Rebekah take “Still Coviding” to be your lawfully wedded lifestyle, to exist within its defiance of mass hopium and inherent conflicts with the rest of the world? Do you accept the loss of the way of life you once knew along with most of your relationships? Will you make countless decisions using science and a high standard of care for the present and future well-being of yourself and others, to limit sickness and optimize health, to be a steadfast companion in sorrow and joy, to stay united by repeatedly making high stakes decisions from this day forward, as long as this pandemic shall live?”
Sounds laughable maybe, but for my family, this lifestyle has been an all-consuming commitment akin to taking vows. Would I have said “I do” knowing what I know now about the impact of adding countless high-stakes decisions to the existing human average of 35,000 decisions per day? And despite how hard it’s been and how many things I loathe about it, the answer is unequivocally yes.
That said, there’s no doubt I would have experienced these last four years differently had I understood the ultra-marathon of decision-making that lay before me. I think half my stress has been from anger about having to make so many additional decisions in the first place, and the other half from feeling guilty about only being prepared and ready for a 5K run/walk.
But if I could go back in time to the vows that started it all, here is what I would tell that pandemic newbie who had no idea what was heading her way:
Truth:
Daily Decision-making won’t be the hardest part of the journey. Learning to essentialize, reduce the noise, and limit your exposure to social observation of the non-Coviding world will be the hardest and most important decisions you will make to sustain your energy and stamina. Please note that these require time and reflective, quiet space that you will likely believe impossible to find given the explosion of tasks, responsibilities, and lack of external support. (Don’t believe that lie- you can and must make these spaces).
Truth:
When you learn to “decide once” about as many daily decisions as possible and to systematize, and routinize them, you will make a serious dent in your fatigue. You will likely resist it because the thought of creating routines in an isolated lifestyle that is already so void of the variety and spontaneity you always enjoyed will seem cruel. (Don’t believe that lie, what’s cruel is to wait to do this until your exhaustion peaks and you wind up having to make routines and systems anyway to survive).
Truth:
You don’t owe anyone in your life or on the periphery of your life an explanation for your family’s decisions to do or not do anything based on your precautions. However, coming up with some templates/scripts for the most common requests and situations and using them repeatedly rather than re-experiencing the frustration of not only deciding but inevitably feeling the need to explain the decisions will save you untold energy. You will likely resist “categorizing” people in ways that could help you decide how much influence and connection you have or want with them and how much information you should share because this feels disingenuous. (Don’t believe that lie, remember this is not a 5K, it’s an ultra-marathon and you need to limit the emotional and mental labor along the way, so you are resourced for the many miles ahead). Bonus points for crafting a blanket statement you can use when encountering questions from strangers, medical providers, etc. (Don’t shy away from it because it may sound rehearsed and don’t believe the lie that doing so is inauthentic- truthfully, it’s a gift to yourself and others to pre-think and practice your responses in advance when emotions aren’t running high).
Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism: the Disciplined Pursuit of Less, says
“An essential intent done right is one decision that makes a thousand decisions. Once you’ve decided your essential intent, you know which other things to do and not to do to make accomplishing your goals a reality.”
While it so often feels the opposite, I know my Still Coviding “vows” are an essential intent I can learn to use to make my life easier and achieve my goal of living an extraordinary life right smack dab in the middle of this ultra-marathon of decision making.
PS: Check out this essay I wrote last year that illustrates essentializing and finding ways to communicate with people about upholding our boundaries and standards AND leaving the door open for them to meet us if they so choose.